How to Lead When Others Don’t Want to Follow
Let’s face it—collaboration doesn’t always come naturally.
You may be clear, committed, and eager to build something great together… but your colleague? Not so much.
Maybe they shut down your ideas.
Keep conversations transactional.
Smile and say “yes”—then do “no.”
Or worse, subtly undermine your actions or take credit for your work.
It’s frustrating, especially when you know that great things happen when people join forces.
One of my clients recently faced this exact situation.
The board had asked him to collaborate more closely with another Director.
But the reality on the ground was tough.
The other Director was focused solely on his own career path: positioning himself, taking credit for joint efforts, and showing no real interest in working together.
My client felt stuck. “How do I work with someone who’s only in it for himself?”
Here’s what we explored together:
Start with Curiosity, Not Judgment
Instead of labeling the person as self-centered, pause and ask: What might be influencing their behavior? We’ll never know exactly what’s going on beneath the surface—whether it’s fear, pressure, ambition, or past experiences. But even just considering that there’s more to the story softens the edges and helps you respond with intention, rather than frustration. Leading with curiosity doesn't mean excusing the behavior—it simply puts you in a clearer, more empowered state to choose your next move.
Model the Mindset You Want to See
My client made a conscious decision to stay grounded in his own leadership values.
He acknowledged contributions, focused on shared wins, and kept the communication open, even when the other person didn’t reciprocate.
That’s not weakness. That’s leadership.
Don’t Force It—Frame It
Instead of pushing for connection, he reframed conversations around what mattered most: outcomes.
“What’s the result we both care about?”
“How can we get there faster—together?”
By speaking the other person’s language (success, visibility, results), collaboration became a means to an end, not just a nice idea.
And here’s what happened:
The dynamic didn’t transform overnight. But over time, the consistency paid off.
The board noticed the shift.
And the Director? Even he started to engage—because he saw it was in his interest too.
You can’t control someone else’s willingness to collaborate. But you can control how you lead, how you frame it, and how you stay anchored in your values.
Collaboration isn’t about making everyone agree.
It’s about creating conditions where alignment becomes the smartest option.
Let’s Lead!
