A few days ago, I came across a distinction that I immediately loved. It’s from Trevor Timbeck (The Power of Systems) and it’s about the difference between “letting it go” and “letting it be.”
At first glance, they sound almost identical.
They are not.
And for leaders, the difference changes everything.
Imagine this:
You’re in an executive meeting. You present a strategy you’ve worked on for weeks.
A colleague responds:
“I’m not sure this is thought through.”
You feel it.
Not as feedback.
But as an attack.
On your competence.
On your credibility.
On your leadership.
The meeting continues, but internally, you’re replaying the comment. That evening, you’re still thinking about it. You tell your partner about it. You wake up the next day… still irritated.
Your partner tells you: “Just let it go.”
But you can’t.
Why?
Because it feels personal.
Because it feels unfair.
Because it confirms an old narrative: I’m not seen. I have to prove myself.
And here is the uncomfortable truth:
Sometimes we don’t let it go because the story serves us.
As long as they are the problem, the overbearing boss, the critical colleague, the neglectful parent, we don’t have to fully step into our own accountability.
It’s easier to hold on to the injustice than to release it.
Letting it go feels like losing something.
“Letting it go” can feel like dismissing what happened.
Like saying it didn’t matter.
Like betraying ourselves.
So we cling to it.
But there is another option.
“Letting it be” is different.
It doesn’t deny that something happened.
It doesn’t minimize your feelings.
It simply means:
Don’t make it significant.
Yes, the comment was made.
Yes, your boss once micromanaged you.
Yes, your childhood shaped you.
And.
You don’t have to build your identity around it.
When you let something be, you stop feeding it with attention.
And suddenly, space opens.
Space to ask:
- What is actually useful feedback here?
- What part of this reaction is mine?
- Who do I choose to be now?
Energy flows where attention goes
If you focus on the unfairness, you amplify resentment.
If you focus on the criticism, you amplify self-doubt.
If you focus on the past, you shrink your future.
But if you shift attention to possibility, responsibility, and choice, your energy moves there too.
I once coached a senior leader who kept referring to his former CEO as “the reason” his career had stalled. Every decision, every hesitation, traced back to that story.
Until one day, I asked him:
“What if we let it be?”
Not forgive.
Not justify.
Not erase.
Just let it be part of the past, without making it the architect of the future.
That was the turning point.
From then on, he started making bolder decisions. Not because his past changed.
But because his attention did.
The freedom of insignificance
Letting it be doesn’t mean you approve.
It means you refuse to let it define you.
And that is powerful leadership.
Because the moment you stop personalizing everything, you regain agency.
You move from reaction to creation.
From rumination to vision.
From blame to ownership.
And ownership is where leadership begins.
Over to you
What in your life are you still trying to “let go”?
And what would shift if you simply let it be?
Not significant.
Not defining.
Just something that happened.
Energy flows where attention goes.
Where is yours today?
